There are many reasons to visit and live in a foreign country. Warm climate, low cost of living, and immersion in a foreign language have spurred many a soul to travel and move abroad.
For the masculine male traveler, one of the most exciting prospects of getting out of your home country is meeting and dating beautiful foreign women. While I encourage everyone to get out of their comfort zone and experience a reprieve from the United States, I’ll clue you in on something: dating outside your cultural milieu is not all svelte Svetlanas and big titted Tatianas. Dating foreign women can present significant challenges to even the most seasoned international player. You will be inhibited by your lack of language skills and run into all sorts of cultural differences. Still, many will find the potential reward merits the challenge.
Curvy Colombian cuties
If Colombia is the Mecca for men who favor curvy, feminine women with long silky hair, Medellin is the Kaaba. Paisas (women who hail from Medellin) have a reputation for being the most beautiful women in the country. While cities like Bogota and Cali also have their fair share of beautiful latinas, Medellin definitely boasts the most per capita. I can confirm this through personal experience. I regularly encounter many 7’s and 8’s throughout the course of my day here, just going to and from the gym and buying groceries at the store. These are augmented by the occasional stunning 9 at the gym or on the street.
Before you pack your bags and book your flight to Medellin, I’ve got news for you. This is one of the toughest dating markets I’ve ever been in. I’ll get more into the reasons for this below but if you come to Medellin without at least passable Spanish and game, you’re going to have a very rough go of it.
Those who rely on online dating apps like tinder to meet girls will suffer the most. Online dating here is so bad you’re better off avoiding it all together. Medellin tinder is full of prepagos (escorts), trannies, and time wasters. The solution to this problem is of course to meet women in person. But even then you’ll encounter an unavoidable aspect of dating women here: rampant flakiness.
Feminine and flaky
The most frustrating aspect of dating paisas is their incredibly high propensity for flaking. If you think American women are flaky, wait until you date a paisa. They habitually lie, ghost, and flake without a shred of remorse. The flaking is so bad here you are forced to come up with a strategy to deal with it. One way to counter it is to set up one, two, or even three dates at the same day and time, knowing that most, if not all, are likely to fall through. At first this felt a little underhanded because it went against my cultural propensity to do what I say I’m going to do. It still feels a little weird when I double book date plans with a girl, but it’s the only way to decrease the odds of having all my evening’s plans fall through.
When it comes to meeting girls, getting their number, and setting up a date, there are some serious differences between how things operate in Colombia versus the US.
First off, don’t assume that because a Colombiana gave you her number, she’s interested in sleeping with you, or even going on a date with you. Girls here require very little rapport before they give you there phone number. You can pretty much walk up to one, say hello, ask her for her number, and she’ll probably give it up. Thing is, this does not mean the same thing as it does in the US. In the United States if a girl gives you her phone number it indicates she is at least open to the idea of sleeping with you. If she’s got a boyfriend or is just not interested she will likely say so and you will not be given her phone number. Not so in Colombia. Colombianas who aren’t even remotely interested in you and many who even have boyfriends will frequently give out their phone number if asked.
The reason for this strange behavior can be explained by one of the following reasons (or a mixture thereof). It might be she’s curious about you and just wants to see how the interaction will proceed, even though she has no intention of going out with you. Paisas are vain and narcissistic (like more so than your average social-media obsessed female). They may string out the interaction just for the attention-induced dopamine hit.
There’s also the possibility that, for any number of reasons, she’s just not into you. Colombians in general hate confrontation, and will go to great lengths to avoid it. If a Colombiana is not interested in you, she is far more likely to either make up some bogus excuse or ghost you than be honest about it. This lack of sincerity can be confusing for a person coming from a more direct culture like the United States.
If you’re interested in meeting and dating Colombianas, I recommend following this simple two step process:
1. Number farm
To compensate for the high flake rate and mixed signals you’ll receive from paisas, you’ll need to meet more of them. Getting numbers is a numbers game. Take an afternoon or a full day and walk around the Santa Fe Mall or La Setenta, approaching any and all women who strike your fancy. Don’t over think the approach. A simple ‘hola, como estas?’ is fine. From there allow the conversation to flow naturally. Aim to get 15-20 WhatsApp numbers. After this number farming session you’ll then weed through them to gauge interest.
2. Follow up, filter
Begin with a simple ‘hola, como estas?’. Remind them who you are and where you met. Some will respond, some won’t. Your response rate will vary depending on how good an impression you made during the initial interaction.
Chat up the ones that do respond and invite them out on a date. Unlike American women, who often interpret a lot of back and forth texting as a sign of high availability and low value, Colombianas like you to chat them up. This is another aspect of dating here I don’t like. I prefer to confine texting to the discussion of date logistics, but Colombianas expect you to chat them up over the phone a bit.
If you manage to get her to agree to a date, you’d do best to confirm it multiple times to have the highest possible chance of occurring. I recommend confirming the date the day before, the morning of, and a few hours prior. I also recommend asking her to inform you when she leaves the house for the date. If this seems excessive it’s simply because you haven’t dealt with a hot latina’s incredibly short attention span. This is a culture that lives in the present. Anything in the future can be described with the subjunctive tense. Expect them to flake at any time, including ten minutes after they said they left the house.
The average monthly wage in Colombia is around $250. While the cost of living is relatively low here, that’s still not enough for most people to get by. This is why many girls in Colombia still live at home with their parents. It’s also why you can expect to pay for the whole date, including her taxi or Uber to/from the venue. There are some exceptions to this, such as if you’re going out with a bi-lingual, Westernized young professional, but these are the exception, not the rule.
Whether paying for transportation and food/drinks is a necessity or a sucker’s play is sometimes hard to tell. While there are some good, normal paisas who are excited by the prospect of getting to know an attractive, interesting foreigner but simply can’t afford to pay for their taxi to do so, there are also plenty of girls who are just trolling for a free meal. The fact is, many paisas are shameless gold diggers.
This is partially explained by Medellin’s narco history and substantial sex tourism industry. My theory is that both these things have seriously affected male/female relations, even for many ‘normal’ girls. Many paisas are looking for fast, easy money. As a gringo, you will be looked at as a possible come up. It’s almost amusing to observe them overtly try to manipulate you. One common tactic is to order the most expensive drink on the menu. Of course, as a man in a machismo latino culture, you will be expected to pay for it. I even had a friend who had a girl with the gall to ask him to pay for her Uber so she could go party at a fonda with a bunch of other guys!
It’s incredible to me that so many girls here think they can get away with this kind of behavior. I think it must be due in large part to the many rich, naive gringos who come to Medellin and splash their cash. These bumbling boomer beta males go gaga when a prepago calls them ‘mi amor‘. Understand that Medellin is inundated with these sex tourists and you will likely be lumped in with them until you prove otherwise.
Even if you are in decent shape, dress well, and speak Spanish, you’ll still be fighting against the perception of a traveler who is bound to leave. Colombians place a lot of stock in social perception and while most of the new generation are only Catholic in name, the religion still has a strong influence. If the girl is even remotely traditional or conservative she will be reluctant to be seen with a fly-by-the-night gringo.
Worth the effort?
If you’re able to overcome these cultural obstacles and date a paisa you may or may not find it’s worth the effort. Paisas have a reputation for being ‘muy princessa‘. Their main offering is to look and act sexy and feminine. While this is a nice trait trait for a woman to have, as the sole value proposition I feel like its a pretty poor proposal. Most don’t read, can’t cook, and have only traveled under the patronage of a sugar daddy. Many have reduced themselves to the level of sex objects. I’m not judging. Let a heaux hoe, just don’t expect her to make a good housewife. These kinds of girls can be fun for a fling, but I’d be very wary of wifeing one up. Unfortunately, I’ve heard and seen many an extranjerro who do this very thing. If this is you, do yourself a favor, read this book, and listen to some Snoop Dogg.